February 2012
112 posts
The Day I Discovered I Look Like A Pedophile
fistyface:
Childhood is a funny thing. It’s such an innocent period in our lives. We’re allowed to make puppets out of our butt cheeks and just have it excused as being silly. Or listen to that one ‘NSync album you asked for your birthday one year without being prosecuted as a raging homosexual. But you never grow up thinking you look like one walkie talkie transmission away from a Code...
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Why I'm a Virgin and Why I'll Most Likely Stay...
fistyface:
Why I’m A Virgin…
First off, don’t get any wrong ideas from reading the title. I never made some holy pact to Jesus or the Jonas Brothers to save myself for marriage. I never once wore a chastity belt in hopes that my knight in shining armor would one day break the lock in one swooping thrust. And I definitely wasn’t concerned about what the other girls were saying about me the...
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Tweets by Dre →
Alright. Last one. I swear I’m done.
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WatchHere’s a video. I don’t advise watching it. Unless you’re like bored or something.
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Thanks are in order.
My Insanity Puppy post just surged over 30, 000 notes literally overnight. While I would like to do something a little more celebratory. I’m still confined to my bed with a dreaded sore throat and runny nose. I’ll never get why Disturbed advises “getting down with the sickness” because it just sucks huge boner.
But thank you. To my friends and my followers. You guys haven...
Jokes on Popsicle Sticks
Joke: Why did the baseball player give the house a pair of sneakers?
Punchline: He wanted to see a home run.
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I think once this hits 30,000 notes I'm gonna... →
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Words of Wisdom
Mom's Boyfriend: What'd ya got there?
Me: Uh...just some jokes.
Mom's Boyfriend: What do you want to be a comedian? Like making people laugh?
Me: Yeah...kinda I guess.
Mom's Boyfriend: Well I'll tell you this I use to love to sing. Use to do all the time when I went to church. I miss it everyday. And you know if you wake up every morning and all you want to do is sing. Then that's what you got to do.
Me: That's deep.
Mom's Boyfriend: Yep. Got it from Sister Act 2.
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Just so everyone knows...
When someone has just come out of surgery. It is not okay to say “Well I guess they failed to remove the ugly from your face.”
It doesn’t get as many laughs as you think it would.
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Cupcakes
My sister in a spur of the moment decides she wants to get her boyfriend a gift for Valentine’s Day. So she drags my grandma and I to Kroger so she can buy him some crappy chocolate and some cookie mix to bake him some cookies. Of course while we’re in there, my grandma can’t resist things on sale and we end up getting a dozen cupcakes. We’re in line, my grandma is paying...
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Top ten things that people don't considered to be...
Fist bumps
Staring contests
That moment when you’re in a movie theater and you need to go the bathroom so you awkwardly scoot your ass in front of someone’s face.
When you’re in that same movie theater and you accidentally use the same arm rest as the person next to you.
When I’m asked if I want more rolls by a waiter/waitress.
When you wake up with an erection and...
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On The Topic of Anal Bleaching
Friend: You're laughing at me aren't you?
Me: Lauren.
Me: There's two things I will never joke about.
Me: 1. Cancer.
Me: 2. Anal bleaching.
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WatchAlright. I’m done guys. Time to go sulk.
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